In our life experience, we learned that there is a connection between what we do, wear, and say, and look like and the affection we deserve. We learned from a young age that gaining acceptance and approval is conditional. No matter how hard we try to stop worrying about what other people think, we seek approval like puppy dogs. Social media has turned judging ourselves and everyone else into our favourite pastime. But these obsessions leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled. So how can we stop worrying about what other people think?
Make a shift from perfectionism to improvement
Author Brené Brown, who has spent her career studying shame and how we can develop what she calls ‘shame resilience,’ writes of this in her book, Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.
Healthy striving is self-focused: ‘How can I improve?’ Perfectionism is other-focused: ‘What will they think?’ This powerful, straightforward shift of focus can move you from negative thoughts into productive self-supporting thoughts.
Be true to YOU
How do we even know what is true for us? In her book The Way of Integrity, author and coach Martha Beck explain how we can make one degree turns towards being truer to ourselves. The simple process involves making a list of all the activities you’ve recently done because you think it’s expected of you. (i.e. worried about what people will think if you don’t do them). You choose one of those things to shift by one degree to something you WANT to do.
For example, If your goal is to make more time for exercise, you could reduce 10 minutes in the morning by making the kid’s lunches by giving them lunch money or, better yet, having them make it themselves and use that time for some stretching or yoga. Start small to cultivate trust in yourself to create a sense of wholeness, reducing your focus on what other people think.
Test the worst-case scenario
What’s holding you back from doing the things you want to do? Are you intimidated to speak out in a meeting? Or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable asking for what you want. Ask yourself this question: What is the worst thing to happen if I speak out? You may get an odd comment or notice something you can do differently next time. And is that worst-case scenario really that bad? No . . . no, it’s not.
Let go of negative input
It’s hard to avoid all negativity, but you can take steps to eliminate those situations, people and environments that ooze low vibrations. Start your negativity cleanse NOW and remove toxic people, news, and indulging in work or school-based drama. Do you have a few friends that like to tear you down? Time to move on. You’ll feel lighter and more energetic and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
Some will, some won’t, so what!
There’s no use in trying to avoid people judging you. It’s a fact of life, people have their opinions, and there is nothing you can do about it. For better or worse, judging people is a natural part of social interaction.
Instead of worrying about who doesn’t like you, focus on being a better person for those who do. Spend your time and energy using your talents, gifts, and abilities to make a difference for yourself and the people around you.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr Seuss
Talk to yourself like someone you admire
On some level, worrying about what other people think about us is a sign we’re not comfortable in our own skin, which can result in us being downright nasty to ourselves. To move past this cycle, try changing how you speak to yourself. Is there someone you respect, look up to and admire? Now imagine you’ve met them for lunch. How would you talk to them? How would you be with them? Try talking to yourself that way. You’ll start to feel admired and adored, and the Universe will reward you by bringing more admiration and adoration just for being you.
Your opinion of yourself is the most important
Of course, it’s essential to have people you can trust to provide you with an honest perspective or feedback, but even take this feedback with a grain of salt. Learning to value how YOU respond to your life and valuing your uniqueness above others’ opinions is the path to stop worrying about other people’s thoughts and cultivating lasting confidence.
