5 Steps to Get The Love and Life You Want

We can’t help it, we always want something or someone, and as soon as we get it, we start looking for what’s next.  We want love, money, security, acceptance, recognition, beauty, fun etc. But when things don’t work out exactly the way we want, we get a little cranky.  We don’t get how life can be so cruel. ‘Hey, life, you’re so mean. How come I don’t have everything I want yet?’ We’re like petulant children filled with disappointment, waiting for gifts to drop from the sky, other people to change, and our prince or princess charming to whisk us away. What’s keeping us from what we want? How come Bono still hasn’t found what he’s looking for?  Here’s how to get the love and life you want.

Ask different questions

If you don’t have what you want, try questioning the questions you’re asking. Are you obsessing about when you’ll get that person, that cash, that career? Are you asking yourself why you haven’t met the one where your baby is, or why the money isn’t in the account? The way our brains and the Universe work is when we ask a question, it will continue to provide us with answers. For example, if you ask, ‘Why haven’t I met the one?’ The Universe hears, ‘Find more reasons why I haven’t met the one.’ The next thing you know, you become a little needy and desperate and bring people into your life who are NOT the ‘one.’

Brand new questions will get you brand new answers. The Universe will respond by providing you with the reasons why you HAVEN’T met the ‘one.’ You’ll get what you focus on: the problem, not the solution. You’ll find yourself on dates with people who chew too loudly, only talk about themselves and are obsessed with Star Trek. Try asking a different question, ‘Why about me is so loveable?’ ‘Why is it that I always meet so many interesting people?’ Even if you don’t believe these questions, if you repeat them often enough, your brain and the Universe will get busy finding the reasons.

Stop being so stingy!

Oh, how we all LOVE, LOVE! We want that feeling of warmth, comfort, connection, beauty aliveness. But how much love are you giving out? Huh? Are you loving? I hate to break it to you, but if you’re being stingy with love, you’re not on the frequency to receive love. It just won’t work. I know it’s not easy, especially if you’ve been hurt (and who hasn’t!) But it’s worth a try.

Love comes in many hues ranging from loving an animal to the sunset to your soul mate.  Start with something easy like a pet or even loving someone from afar, like an elderly woman crossing the street or how a young father holds his baby. Please keep it going; loving feelings attract loving feelings. If you’re sneaky, you might find something about yourself you love, like, how you poach an egg or solve a crossword puzzle. See how long you can maintain that feeling and enjoy being more giving with your loving attention!

Start appreciating

Do you have anything in your life worth appreciating right now? (Hint, the answer is YES!) How can you appreciate what’s in front of you when all you can think about is why you don’t have what you want? There’s nothing wrong with having wants; they exist for a reason. Your wants become goals. Your goals are clues to the lessons your soul needs to learn in this life school that sends you on a path of expansion.

However, ignoring the good in your life right now is a recipe for perpetual disappointment. You will push the thing you want away, AND you’ll have the added irritation of not enjoying what IS fantastic right in front of you. (News flash, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re spinning on a planet in the middle of space that is perfectly warmed by a star, and it took billions of years for you to be here reading this blog!)

So, look around; what can you appreciate? Anything will work to start. In his early days, before he became a world-renowned spiritual teacher, Eckart Tolle’s primary mode of transport was a bike. He enjoyed riding his bike so much that after he got to his destination, he would stop and turn back and admire it with a twinkle in his eye and love in his heart.

I’ve got this kind of love for my favourite coffee mug. It has an illustration of a girl at the disco (Oh, how I wish I were at a disco.) I’ve had it for years, and I love it.  My husband has his assortment of favourite well-loved T-shirts. I’ve considered getting rid of them when he wasn’t looking, but who am I to rain on his parade? Find something in your life right now and get that feeling going! Noticing one thing will prime the appreciation pump, and you’ll start seeing more things you appreciate. You’re letting the Universe know that you’re ready for more things to enjoy!

To get the love and life you want, be someone who is loved

Would you love you? Are you fun to be around? Are you loving? If you struggle with this step, you’re not alone. What are the characteristics of someone loveable? (Side note, you’re loveable, you’re an incredible creation with purpose and value. You’ve just covered up and protected your lovable aspects. Don’t worry. If you’re reading this, you’re on your way.) Do whatever it takes, meditation, affirmations, therapy; this love stuff is the best, and you only get one life. So do that work and learn to love yourself, love your life and receive love; open the door.

Practice loving the people who ARE in your life

There are people in your life that you’ve probably been complaining about, your co-workers, friends, and family. Well, what would happen if you decided to LOVE them? Don’t worry; you don’t need to run up and hug that guy at work that can’t stop rattling off sports stats, but you can be more loving. What you give out, you get back! Here are a few ways to be more loving with EVERYONE.

Listen

Listening to understand, not to respond, is an act of loving-kindness. Be more generous with your listening and attention. Who knows, you may learn something.

Use a mantra

When you start your day, say it aloud while looking at yourself in the mirror. Love radiates out from me in all directions and returns to me multiplied.

See their value

Everyone has been created by the same divine force and has value, notice that and appreciate that in people. They have appeared in your life for a reason. What can you learn?

Don’t confuse loving acceptance with betraying yourself.

People are on their journey, and accepting them, warts and all, allows them to learn their lessons. Let people be who they are. Then, you decide what you need, considering who they are. Do you need to set a boundary or change the relationship? Take care of yourself well without resenting anyone else.

In Summary

You can get the love and life you want right now. Find the FEELING of the thing you want. Love, abundance, and appreciation are all available to you; you need to focus on them. If you can value the journey as much as the destination, you’ll see life as an adventure which is exactly what you wanted!