Have you ever noticed how quickly you like jumping in and rescuing people? Do you want to throw on your cape when you see someone in ‘trouble’? Helping people feels great, but it can go too far. Are you ready to stop people-pleasing? Read on.
If a friend has relationship problems, do you jump in and tell them how they should stand up for themselves and how they deserve better?
If your kids want you to do something they can do themselves, do you drop what you’re doing and get them what they need? You LOVE to see them happy!
If a co-worker needs your help with a project (one that ends up taking time away from your work), do you jump in and do it? After all, you wouldn’t want them to be mad at you.
It can feel great to save the day, but are you REALLY helping those who need saving? According to Martha Beck, life coach and author of The Way of Integrity, help is the sunny side of control. So next time you need to jump in and don the cape, here are three questions to ask yourself.
Is saying YES to helping this person saying NO to me?
This is something people-pleasers rarely ask themselves. What will saying yes to helping those people mean for me? For example, let’s say someone needs you to run an errand for them at the time you promised yourself that you were going to walk at lunch. What will the impact be? You will miss an hour’s walk, but it goes deeper than that; you have let down the most crucial person in your life, you! You will start to resent the person who asked and the trust you have in yourself will begin to erode. Keep this up, and you will be lost, disconnected and unfulfilled.
Do they want the help?
Remember that friend that was complaining to you about their relationship? Of course, you can SEE what the issue is, and you want to give them advice. Have you stopped to think if they actually want that advice? Perhaps they want someone to feel sorry for them or maybe they just want to vent? Inevitably you will end up on the losing side of this situation because they didn’t want to change things.
What are you taking away from them if you help them?
When you keep jumping in to help people, you may be taking away their opportunity to grow and evolve. Our souls are here on this earth school to grow and develop. We have all chosen these journeys for specific reasons, like it or not. When we experience challenges without learning from them, we are destined to repeat those same challenges. So IF you truly want to help people, you will be present for them at the time, they express their feelings or emotions. You will take a step back and watch as they come up with their own solutions.
Here is what I want you to do for the next three days:
When you feel that urge to put your cape on, ask yourself:
- Is this YES a NO to me?
- Do they want my help?
- Am I taking away an opportunity for them to learn?
Please don’t stop being the kind loving and compassionate person you are. However, you can stop people-pleasing if you REALLY want to help!
