For everything we experience, there is a cause and effect; that’s just physics! Our “hustle” culture teaches us that effort equals reward. We create a self-perpetuating cycle of working hard to receive praise and recognition and assume the more we want something, the harder we should try. If we’re going to change a habit, earn more, find a partner, or get a promotion, we must apply effort! However, have you found yourself trying harder to get something, but it keeps getting farther away? You keep squeezing, but there’s no juice! There is another way that is unconventional but very effective. Here are six steps to stop trying hard to get what you want.
- Recognise what you are TRYING to achieve
- Identify blocking beliefs
- Check-in with your identity
- Experiment with new behaviours
- Recognise the limitations of trying
- Allow what you want into your life
Recognise what you are TRYING to achieve
What is that thing that has ALL your attention and energy? Once you’ve identified what you want, dig a bit deeper. Once you delve into it, you realise that it’s never the thing you want; really, it is the FEELING you get from having it. For example, what would a promotion mean for you, and how would it make you feel? You might feel recognised, appreciated, valued, and get a sense of security. Another example is finding true love; what does the love you seek feel like to you? You might feel a connection, appreciation, warmth, wholeness, and a sense of aliveness. Make a list of all those feelings you want to get from getting what you want.
Identify beliefs that block
Check out your beliefs when you’re ready to stop trying and get what you want. Your beliefs are continual affirmations either FOR or against your desires. If you want true love but believe relationships are ALWAYS complex or you’re unlucky in love, your beliefs are blocking your desires. Your RAS (Reticulating Activating System), the brain’s information filtering system, will maintain a filter that only allows evidence of your most dominant belief, i.e. you’re unlucky in love.
Check your beliefs by filling in the blank to the below statement ten times. For example, if you want to learn what you believe about relationships, find a quiet space with your journal, take a few deep breaths and fill in the blanks. This is your chance to be completely honest with yourself and unravel negative programming. You can replace relationships with anything you want; money is, getting a promotion is, friendships are, you get the idea! Once you know what you believe, you can work on changing.
Relationships are _________________.
Check-in with your identity
When you’re ready to stop trying and get what you want, you need to check in with your identity. Our identities, or whom we think we are, often come between us and our heart’s desires. We hold onto the familiar known, the mild discomfort or frustration, rather than risk becoming someone new. For example, you may genuinely want a promotion at work, which means you may need to speak up more or ask for support.
Speaking up may go against your belief (identity) that you’re a shy person. You may even label those people who speak up as “show-offs.” However, if you have a negative view of people who have what you want, you will resist making the necessary changes, and your desires will stay just out of reach. What is the story you tell yourself about who you are? Is it moving you closer or further away from your desires?
Experiment with new behaviours
Now that you have a better understanding of your beliefs and identity, you can begin experimenting with NEW beliefs and, eventually, a new identity. Experiments free us up to explore possibilities without all the try-hard hang-ups. To start this experiment, find people who already have what you want and observe them. If you know them personally, offer to buy them a coffee and ask them how they feel about the thing you want. You can also read biographies or google the stories of well-known business people, artists or athletes. Find out what they believe about love, money, career or health.
Once you’ve identified the behaviours, start your experiment. Choose one behaviour and commit to doing it for a set amount of time. Try exercising daily, speaking up in meetings, writing 500 words per day or appreciating beauty for 30 days and document your experience. Was it as difficult as you thought? Did you learn anything about yourself, your goals, and your identity?
Recognise the limitations of trying!
Approaching these changes with a sense of play and experimentation helps you maintain light-hearted energy, which has a higher vibrational frequency than forcing something to happen. By understanding that we are vibrational beings, you can begin to work with the universal forces rather than against them.
There are other forces in our universe beyond Newtonian Laws and “causal determinism”, which states that this world is fundamentally deterministic, orderly, and predictable. However, If we look at quantum physics, we start with the understanding that everything is made up of particles, and they are in a constant state of movement; even seeming stationery items like your kitchen table are moving at a high vibration.
All those particles are made up of subatomic particles called quanta. When we get down to the quanta, things behave in a unique kind of magical way. When an observer views particles, they act differently than when they are not being watched. In standard terms, observing particles creates them and brings them to life. The “where”, the “what”, and the “how” energy manifests dependently on the Mind of the observer. Essentially when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
The Unified Quantum Field Theory describes how EVERYTHING in this universe, including our thoughts, are connected in an ocean of pure existence. This unified field is teeming with unmanifest energy, boiling, erupting in bubbles, and infinite elastic loops called superstrings that are all vibrations! This field is where things, new cars, promotions, lovers, YOU and I are created.
What does that mean for you? You can let go of trying. The REAL change will come from deciding on your NEW reality, believing it’s possible and that you deserve it. You’ll need to be willing to ditch those pesky negative beliefs that have kept you stuck and keep a light-hearted high vibrational energy. Then, you can step back and let that ocean of pure existence do what it loves to do, create!
One of the founding fathers of quantum physics and Nobel Prize winner Max Planck once said, “As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clearheaded science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my research about the atoms this much: There is no matter as such! All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force that brings the particles of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together… We must assume behind this force is the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”
Stop Trying and Get What You Want – Allow it in!
You’ve already tried trying; besides, what is the worst that could happen? Please give it a rest and observe the incredible gifts you’re receiving right now. You could release some resistance and stress, and you may learn to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.
