Are you ready to be happier in life? Life is an unpredictable, chaotic, ever-changing game that few people master. The main principle of life is chaos, yet our brains crave order and safety. The very nature of being human drives us to seek the security that we think will bring us happiness. We are left to our own devices with no owner’s manual for the situations we encounter. There is no escaping the rapids that stir painful emotions within us or the difficult phases of our lives. We may lose a loved one, have health issues, or have other nasty occurrences. We kick and fight the entire way, wanting it to be different. We’re waiting for the planets to align or our ships to come in for the day when we are happy.

But that never happens while we are waiting.

Happiness is not about never experiencing pain or suffering. It’s about learning to accept them and finding a way to move forward. It’s about understanding that some things are out of our control and that life is unpredictable. However, there is one thing we are in control of, our attention and our focus. If we focus on our problems and what makes us unhappy, we’ll find more reasons to be unhappy. But if we focus on our strengths and what makes us feel good, happiness will be right there waiting for us to turn our attention to it.

There is no formula for happiness. However, understanding and embracing our needs and creating an environment where they can be met opens the door. According to Abraham Maslow we humans have universal core needs. When we focus on and appreciate the needs that ARE being met, we reduce the resistance to life and make room for the things we’ve been seeking.

Our core human needs are

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others

Although all needs are important, individuals have a dominant core need. When the core need is met, they feel their life is in flow, and they can experience happiness more easily. However, when our environment or life circumstances prevent us from meeting our core needs, we experience unhappiness. Our response during these periods will determine our experience and whether we can feel happy or not.

For example, if variety is your core need and you find yourself stuck in a soul-destroying 9-5 job. You would feel like going to work every day was torture.

Happiness happens when you become clear about who you are, what you want and what your dominant needs are. This self-knowledge drives you to adjust your environment and lifestyle to support you while appreciating where you are. This may mean taking action to do something uncomfortable. For example, if connection and love are your dominant core needs, you may need to accept more social invitations. You may need to go to new places that seem daunting but would increase your chances of meeting someone. Not having these relationships has proven to you that this is what you want and has driven these choices. Instead of resenting your circumstances, you appreciate learning more about yourself.

Five Steps to Be Happier in Life

• Accept the highs and lows

The first step to being happier with your life is accepting that life can be painful and simultaneously filled with opportunities for growth and learning. Appreciating that the only way we know happiness is to know sadness; to see the light is to sit in darkness. Resisting this reality is a recipe for disappointment; accepting this and deciding to make your life sacred is the most powerful step we can take towards happiness.

• Find your passions

Second, find something you’re passionate about and focus on that. What can cause you intense happiness and satisfaction? This could be anything from your work to spending time with your loved ones to simply walking in nature. Work towards making it a habit, and you’ll start to see the benefits of dedicating yourself to something that matters to you.

• Take care of your body

Next, take care of your body and mind. Exercise, eat well and get enough sleep. These simple habits will support your overall well-being and help you to ground yourself in the present moment. This will help you tune out the noise of our daily lives and focus on the things that are important to you.

• Find your tribe

Another step in finding a circle of people who care about you and invest in them. Being around people who support you, encourage you and remind you that you’re not alone will help elevate your happiness quotient exponentially. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, even when times are tough. These people will help keep your happiness journey positive and fulfilling.

• Check your thoughts and expectations

The final step to being happier with your life is questioning your thoughts and expectations. When you find yourself disappointed or upset with a situation or a person, you can identify the thought you’re thinking. What is the lens you’re looking at the situation through? For example, if a co-worker doesn’t say ‘Hi’ to you one morning, you might create a story that the person is rude, they don’t like you or that there is something wrong with you. You may ruminate on this thought all day which will make you miserable.

Instead of believing these thoughts, you can question them and look at facts/ do you know that this person is rude and doesn’t like you? Could there be another reason? Perhaps they had a bad morning, are distracted by looming deadlines, or are rude. Is there anything you can do about it? Challenging your thoughts, perceptions and feelings when disappointed will retrain your brain to see things as they are.

To Sum It Up

These are just five tips on how to be happier in life. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but by considering your dominant needs and adjusting your environment and lifestyle to support you, you’ll be on your way to a happier existence.