You’re finally ready to make a change, go for that new job, get in shape, or start dating. You feel proud of the decision and decide to share your news with your friend. ‘Hey, I’m going to get in shape, get a new job, start dating etc.’ You watch for their response; do they think it’s a good idea? Will they cheer for you? ‘Really? You’re going to do that? Oh, but won’t that be hard? Is there a lot of competition? Don’t you need a special qualification?’ The wind is knocked out of your dream like a punch in the guts, and it’s replaced with fear. The fear and doubt have latched onto you like a parasite. You can’t take it and decide it’s not worth it. You retreat to your old life to avoid the painful grip of fear. But your dream never went away, and that’s painful too. So how can you avoid letting fear take over on your way to your goals? Here’s how to feed progress, not fear on your way to your goals.
- Sit with it
- Recognise and name it
- Take a tiny step
- Reward every move in the direction of your goal
- Accept setbacks and failure
- Repeat
Sit with it
Acting out of fear can lead to hasty actions that will lead to failure. These unconscious decisions lead to poor and ineffective efforts which leads to poor results. This can become self-fulfilling prophecies. See, I told you that was a dumb idea. I knew it would never work! However, sitting with your fear for a few minutes instead of running away from it can lead to powerful insights. Allow yourself to feel it and sit with it. Become curious, what is the real cause of this fear? Is it uncertainty, failure, success or is it an old story you are telling yourself that no longer serves you? Without sitting and investigating you will not have the information you need to heal that part of you that is fearful and move past it. A moment of reflection can have a great effect on overcoming fear in a way that is productive, deliberate and effective.
Recognise your fearful inner talk, give it a name and tell it how it’s going to be
Now that you’ve taken the time to acknowledge and recognise your fear, it helps if you can give it a name. The process of naming this pesky emotion gives you some distance from it and allows you to put it in perspective. On some level fear has protected you and kept you safe, it was probably created at a young age to help you navigate the world. The more we try to ignore fear the more intrusive it will become. By recognising it and naming it we can integrate this part of us and keep it in its rightful position. Thank this part of you and let it know that you know it wants the best for you but explain that you are going ahead anyway. Many times, procrastination or excuses come from your fear. I’m too tired, I don’t think this will work are examples of self talk to look out for. Hey Nelly, thanks for your input, I think you’re making excuses in an attempt to keep me safe. Tanks so much, however, I’m going to do ABC. Besides, what is the worst that can happen? I can learn something. So let’s keep going.
Take a tiny step
Just because you decided to pursue your goals, doesn’t mean fear will disappear. In fact, when you think about your goal, it may seem way too difficult. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 kilos, fear may kick in and start making excuses in an effort to make sure you don’t start. To counter this conundrum, decide on the smallest step that will move you, a tiny bit forward. It could be researching walking shoes, deciding which days you are going to walk and putting them in your diary or buying a healthy cookbook. While you’re building your progress muscle, taking smaller steps will keep fear at bay. Besides, you’re not changing my entire life, you’re just taking one little step.
Feed progress not fear, Reward every move in the direction of your goal
That tiny step you took is called progress, and progress is powerful and rewarding. When we experience even small amounts of success, our brains release dopamine, which is connected to feelings of pleasure, learning and motivation. For every teeny tiny bit of progress, you make, activate your inner cheerleader! BJ Fogg calls this process of rewarding the small things SHINE! What would you like your cheerleader to say to you? Good job! Go YOU! Or You’ve done something GREAT. It can even be a fist pump! By rewarding and feeding the progress you will create new pathways and habits of progress. We are used to focusing on mistakes, so this will also take some practice but it’s worth it!
Accept setbacks and failure
Why are so many of us freaked out, and fearful? Because they don’t want to fail. No one likes to fail; it is painful and can make you want to climb into a hole. But failure is a powerful teacher, and we often learn more from our failures than we do from our success. If you accept that failure is essential for success, and you can gain powerful insights from each setback you will be less fearful and embrace failure as a tool.
Repeat
Keep it going one tiny, small step at a time, and let the momentum and your confidence build with each positive change you make. Once you learn to feed progress, not fear, the law of attraction will continue to bring you more opportunities to progress and grow. Through this process, you will develop skills gifts and abilities that will not only help you achieve your goals and dreams, but you will BECOME the person who HAS all the things you could ever dream of.
